So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
