Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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