note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want a musical about memes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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