she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's blow job season.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
