The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
