ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
