Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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