he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize