Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
