Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i've created a new STD.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
