hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
