So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
