Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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