Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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