I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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