its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
its not stalking. its research.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
