How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
