mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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