I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize