And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
