theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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