ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
