Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
