3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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