There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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