How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
