You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
