Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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