someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
