Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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