I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
