He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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