I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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