so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize