the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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