I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
