Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
