After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
