Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Boobs are out for the taking
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
