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Don't you send me to vm
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
