I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
