Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just tell him i said nine months
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
