Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
