It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
