Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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