I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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