Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
