oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
