I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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