3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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