What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize