that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
