Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
