Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are all done wearing pants today
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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