i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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