I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
