dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She bit a glass in half.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So much rum. So many feels.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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