Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
