For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
