I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
that may or may not have been my penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
