Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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