The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
