my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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