His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
