He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
