Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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