God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just cropdusted the office
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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