I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We smell like vodka and hangover
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