I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
