Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
