I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
