And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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