when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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