hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
