At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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