Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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