I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
