So drunk its hurt
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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