hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
