fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
