I need help removing her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
