Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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