I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
